Throughout most of 2022, the Florida Squeeze kept focusing on Tallahassee. Something was happening, you could feel it in the air, and it’s since been described as Tallahassee’s Progressive summer. A time when the sudden tragic death of a county commissioner created a snap election and a controversial vote on FSU funding led to hotly contested challenges for every incumbent.

The Florida Squeeze coverage of this sudden, uplifting, and energetic period in our capital city’s recent past saw this writer meeting many of its central characters. All of them were in their way passionate, knowledgeable, vocal, and genuine. But, only one had all these qualities on full display and in full force, all the time. Now a writer or a “journalist” is not supposed to play favorites, it’s never a good idea to make a genuine connection or friendship with someone you are reporting on.

But, it is impossible not to become Nicole Soza’s friend once you meet her. Throughout 2022 Nicole served as the campaign manager to not one but two local candidates that this publication endorsed. She was a constant sight at public events, forums, meet and greets, phone banks; you name it. She was the volunteer powerhouse of that cycle, and for a people-powered movement that contained the best political talent that Tallahassee has to offer; that’s saying something.

“I can’t volunteer, my life’s purpose. I went from exercising multiple times a week to walking with a cane,” the kind and spirited voice on the other end of the phone tells me matter-of-factly.

One of the biggest changes to Tallahassee’s political landscape this cycle is the notable absence of one woman with self-acknowledged short stature and enough spirit to make her absence deeply felt. Chronic illness and crippling physical pain have benched Nicole. It has taken away the purpose she has found in activism, and even worse it has imprisoned her; as only chronic illness.

“People with chronic illnesses, chronic pain, and disabilities are some of the most forgotten about people when it comes to activism (and other events/everything else in general). A lot of the left’s activism/actions aren’t ADA compliant, or they don’t have an alternative so that people who can’t be there in person can still participate.”

Nicole is fearless, kind, caring, and selfless. When I first met her she had more empathy and enthusiasm than any ten people I know. I’ve seen Nicole Soza at times when she had boundless energy and determination. She has spent her entire life fighting for those silenced by poverty and a broken system. Speaking with her now she doesn’t let on for a second how challenging and painful the last two years have been. She wastes little time on self-pity, and actually censors herself if she detects even the faintest hint of it as she speaks.

As always Nicole is far more interested in finding solutions, telling her story as honestly as she can; hoping that others in similar situations could relate to it. That her pain could maybe be useful to others who have felt silenced by our system. Nicole’s recent medical issues are sadly just the latest in a circle of traumas she has had to overcome.

Sure! Dear reader! You might be thinking – “Oh hell, who hasn’t suffered setbacks?” To which I’d reply: How many of us have had fathers who murdered a family member and got away with it due to a lack of evidence? The same father who would routinely psychically abuse Nicole, plunge her young family into poverty and eventually homelessness.

As a writer, especially a nice milk toast Italian boy from South Florida like me, it can be uncomfortable diving too deep and personal into a subject like this. I mentioned this concern to Nicole and she merely shrugged it off “I trust you!”

Interviewer and Interviewee have had to plan this phone conversation carefully. Find that right sweet spot in the evening when everyone’s kids are asleep and before the evening meds put you to sleep. She doesn’t want to waste time being skittish about her past, she is certainly mindful about triggering anyone else’s trauma. But, she also has things to say and she’s been closed off from her primary outlet for too long.

“I had to drop out of high school to help support my family. We couldn’t afford to stay at an extended-stay motel. All the money I got I used to support my family, me and my mom, who only made minimum wage at a gas station.”

It was her own experiences with homelessness at a young age that turned her towards social justice and public service. While in this prolonged period without basic needs, food insecurity, and no permanent housing she came face to face with the cold bureaucracy and superficial nature of our country’s social safety net. As a young child, Nicole was confronted by a society that had no need for her, didn’t want to see her, and was all too willing to judge her.

But help was found in the most unlikely of places, those in similar situations. A silent and invisible community of impoverished and homeless people were the only ones who offered Nicole and her struggling family any kind of aid or kindness.

“I always believed in the inherent kindness of people. Institutions and systems did not help us, it was people. It was always other people who had almost nothing that helped. Those were the people who were always kind to me. It was true mutual aid.”

There is something quite extraordinary about Nicole facing this great obstacle, and deciding to face it with openness and fearlessness. Illness has a way of isolating you and this society does have a habit of shaming people with psychological or physical limitations. There must have been a natural impulse to just hide under the covers and handle it in private.

But Nicole’s past seems to have prepared her, the example of all those whom she’s found solidarity with; now helping her face this trying time with grace. “I was lucky I have seen the worst and the best in people and I know what they are capable of being.”

This woman who has experienced such traumas and heartaches, is somehow mustering the strength to share with her friends and community every step of her health journey. Doing her best to still advocate for women’s health and using her own experiences to highlight disparages in treatment that women still tragically encounter.

“It took me years to get diagnosed. Two genetic diseases! Had a tumor removed from my right ovary…There are many places within my body with chronic pain but we can only focus on one section and source of pain at a time”

It has been widely reported in the past few years that women’s health is still a divisive issue, and far too many “Professionals” in the medical field still hold infuriatingly antiquated views on treatment. A person need only take the shallowest of dives into any public forum to be confronted with dozens of similar stories. Women with complicated diseases, needing their medical professionals to do the work are instead being belittled or silenced. The bills still arrive on time to the patients; but not much else.

“Our health is not taken seriously, our bodies are not even studied at the same rates. It’s just your anxiety, you’re a sensitive woman. When you’re a woman you’re not trusted.”

It is critical for anyone reading this who has experienced similar frustrations as Nicole to remember that – No it is not in your head! A person who is trained to help you is gaslighting your health, undermining your self-esteem, and not attacking the actual problem.

“I hate doctors. They treat you like you’re at a cattle call. They don’t understand that every person is different and experiences pain differently/heals at different rates (especially when they have things like EDS and fibromyalgia). They tell you they’re going to send in more pain meds for you once the other ones run out because they just took out your tumor-encrusted ovary, but then when the day comes they decide to take the day off so no pain meds for you. Just suffer, I guess!”

The financial burden of her chronic health issues has been dire; this is tragically a sign of our times, a walking indictment of our landlord culture, and a near-universal experience for anyone forced to resign from their jobs due to a serious health issue.

But, there is as always with Nicole, that tiny glimmer of hope, that distant and far-off future that keeps her going. Women and their specific health struggles are changing the medical field. When people like Nicole are suffering it doesn’t take long before her large group of friends start looking for answers, start wanting to find solutions along with her. That is happening now! Her friends’ social media pages are starting to feature more posts and recent anecdotes by Nicole and her journey towards recovery. Nicole started a GoFundMe page to help her pay for her increasingly costly medical bills.

The posts are also helping Nicole stay connected at a time when she is still limited by increasing physical pains and severe mobility issues. Nicole and her lovely wife Summer recently posed for pictures together, trying to reclaim some kind of social and personal autonomy from her health issues. They looked happy, loving, and hopeful. It’s the kind of image that all couples share with their closest friends. But, Nicole being Nicole the post is honest, a reminder of how long it took for her to get ready for these impromptu photos with her partner. Sharing with friends just how draining this small little act of self and spousal love was, and the logistics that any ill person has to go through to appear “present”. That every ounce of energy that she uses has to be accounted for and measured out.

These are the things that a chronically ill person has to work out before they decide what kind of day they are going to have, and what kind of things they are going to tackle. How much can she risk if she just pushes herself a little more today than yesterday? If it’s too much, will that set her back a week? Longer?

It’s a half-life to be sure, and once again people like Nicole are pioneers, shining a light on a public injustice; being as honest as they can about the frustrating and unnecessary barriers that society places on anyone who is remotely different.

Public service was Nicole’s salvation in her youth, activism was her calling in adulthood, and now it’s my hope that the community and goodwill she has attracted from her positivity and compassion, will strengthen her in the days to come. Becoming her secret weapon or superpower that invigorates her as she takes on this latest struggle.

None of us ever expect our body to fail us, for our health and our strength to abandon us.

But when it does (and it will) there should be more than a community of friends and a crowd-sourcing app that stands in the way of financial uncertainty.

When we are literally the only industrial country in the world that has to pay for both our own insurance and the cost of our healthcare, the care we receive should be generous. We all live in a country and society that professes to be the greatest in the world, yet we turn a blind eye to the fortunes of those that are struggling. Instead of making that greatness a reality we have become complacent to the reality that not many people can afford to actually live here.

We have shared the link to Nicole’s GoFundMe.

Please, if you are able, consider helping this extraordinary person. We also invite others who have experienced similar health issues and personal trauma to share (if they feel comfortable) and consider supporting their local women’s shelters.

So dear reader taking a page from my friend Nicole’s book I’ll leave you with this fable –

There once was an ill African chieftain, he was asked if he feared death. He replied No, that when he died he could show them his scars. Apparently, the tribe believed that when you pass on you are judged by the scars and wounds you experienced in life.

“You have no scars!?,” roars the other side

“Was there nothing you were willing to fight and sacrifice for in life!?”

Nicole has fought for justice, has the scars to prove it, and the courage to show them!

In this world that is so often devoid of justice and dignity; let’s aid a source of genuine decency in their time of need.